I would like to give a disclaimer that I was even more bizarre in Middle School than probably any other time of my life. Hard to believe I know, but you'll soon come to realize that I am correct.
The beginning of my disgusting love began in the 6th grade when said gentleman was in my Homeroom. I thought he was beautiful. I liked him for a bit, then moved onto a few other fellows. It happened again in 7th grade, but the real clincher was in the 8th grade where I began to keep a journal about my lovesick thoughts and dreams of our future together.
I thought I would post some pictures of the evidence before I dive into the exploits of my diary. This should give you an idea of what exactly we are working with here.
Exhibit A: The Rebel Diary - notice the fuzzy/tacky black cover, you already know you're in for a treat.
Exhibit B: The Inside Doodle Cover - I had a slight obsession with flying pink pigs when I was a young lass. Also, in the bottom left corner you can observe a direct quote from Ludacris's song "What's your Fantasy." Why was I so deranged?
Exhibit C: A young and attractive girl named Gabby at the ripe age of 13
Why won't anyone date me!?!?
P.S. What the fuck is "Sideout?" Cute flowers, betch.
Now that we have covered the basics, let's move right along into the prime entries. I will be writing down, word for word, what I said 8 years ago. Please ignore the atrocious spelling and abbreviations. Whenever I mention my love's name, it will be Peaches. At school, my friends and I came up with code names for the boys that we had crushes on so we were able to talk about them as much as we wanted. Peaches, is the main subject of this post, but there was also "Mustard," "Ketchup," "Green Bean," "Snot Boy," etc etc. Don't ask me how we came up with these names, maybe we were hungry. I wouldn't be surprised. My face looks like a chipmunk storing too much food for winter.
April 7th, 2004
Im havin a P-A-R-T-A-Y on April 17! its gonna b da bomb! about 30-40 ppls r going! my lover "peaches" is join! not literally my lover i just have a MAJOR crush on him! he has the most gourgous eyes ever! OMG! i could just stare at him 4 hours... :) I even had a fantasy about him! (ok make that like 7 fantasies) each of them were in different places but the one that i remember the most was on the stonerific couch! He took my hand and led me downstairs to the couch. then i got on top of him and we started making out really hard (frenching) then i took off his shirt and ran my hands across his body (very smooth and hott) and then i guess he felt me up. I was in a tie tank top and a miniskirt and boots! talk about SEXAY! then i took of his jeans and he was shirtless with boxers on. then more stupid stuff happened but I'm way 2 lazy at the moment...So yeah anywayz spring break is pretty damn boring...so far at least...Well i better go cuz I'm getting kinda tired but i will update u with more of my "peachy" fantasies.
As you can probably see, I not only was a horrific writer, but twisted, and way too horny as a 13 year old.
I'm also willing to share with you fellow readers a song that I wrote about said Peaches. I used the song "American Pie," by Don McLean, but I imputed my special version, feel free to sing along!
1rst Verse: "A long long time ago, i can still remember how peaches use 2 make me smile. And i knew if i had my chance, then i would ask peaches 2 the dance. and maybe we would be happy for awhile. But november made me shiver, with all the m&ms i'd deliver. Bad news in front of me. OUCH! nicole just slapped me on the knee. I can't remember if i cried when i heard that he had lied. the day, peaches died"
Chorus: "So bye bye mr. peaches he died maybe gabby who's not that shabby will stop bein so shy. and good ol' girls were eaten fruitcake & pie singin this is the day peaches died....this is the day that peaches died."
2nd Verse: "No do u believe in rock n roll and can the music save your pathetic soul, could you teach me how to dance super slow? Probably not but ANYWAYZ! WEll i kno that ur in luv wit her cauz she asked u "do u wanna make out? and u said sure!" You both threw off your clothes, now i think i have a stuffy nose. I was a funny girl who never got laid, with a chicken in one hand and an escalade, but i still knew they were in the shade the day, peaches died....i was singing, he was singin!
3rd Verse: Then i met a boy who played guitar and he offered me a cuban cigar...i just smiled and turned away. i walked down to the coffee shop, thats where me and peaches did the bop, but the owner said the jukebox wouldn't play....and in the streets i stood and screamed, no one paid attention as it seemed, No one in the town talked, i am now missing my purple and yellow sock. And the 3 girls that i admired most, dump truck, hot-wire, and Sydney the toast, they caught the last plane for the coast, the day..peaches died...and they were singing!
Unfortunately, the "Peaches" saga came to an end after your typical Middle School drama went down and he dated other girls while I would stand in the background in my Sideline sweatshirt and watch helplessly. Once that happened, I documented it at the back page of my diary writing an official declaration of my broken heart from the agony and heartbreak of loving "Peaches."
Maybe if I had sung him the "Peaches Song," this tale would have ended differently.
So now that we have officially established that I am absolutely psychotic, feel free to poke fun at my flat ass as much as you want.
Anyone else have any heart wrenching love tales involving obsession and bad clothing decisions from their glory days?