Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Great Shaving Debacle

I fucking hate shaving. I hate how tedious it is, how time consuming it is, my back starts to hurt, shaving cream is expensive, and I always, ALWAYS, cut myself. 

The worst is when you nick your vag, ouch. Chop that hoe!

They didn't have any pictures of a woman cutting her vagina shaving, sorry. 

As much as I hate shaving, I hate hair, and there is no way in hell I can afford laser hair removal, otherwise I would use it on every inch of my body. So alas, I am forced to take the extra ten minutes to shave my body.

We shave because we want to feel clean and fresh, and beautiful. But has anyone ever noticed that every time you shave, you don't get any play? For me in the past, I felt that every time I took the time to look attractive, I never had any success. But when I didn't give a shit and just wanted to go out and get drunk with my girls, I scored. WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN. And I know other people have expressed their frustration with this issue, so for once, I'm not the only hairy duckling. 

For the women who do shave and score, congratulations, now teach me your fucking secrets. 

One time a few years back, okay maybe several months ago, I went out on a random Thursday night and got extremely intoxicated and my boyfriend at the time wanted to come over and hang out. I panicked because I knew that I didn't shave. So I left the party early just so I could come home and trim my Christmas tree. I went to the bathroom the next morning to brush my teeth and saw my razor at the sink. Then I examined my lower region and found a desert plateau. Who on earth leaves a party to come home and shave? This bitch does. 

Does anyone else have any shaving horror stories? 

Also, Labor Day Weekend Highlight Recap:
1. A failed attempt at a foursome with women
2. Cougar Football Saturday
3. $2.50 Fireball Whiskey shots, again
4. Inquiring about a Bartending job while severely intoxicated
5. Eating everyone's leftover lettuce from their tacos


  1. The shower in my room at college is super tiny compared to my one last year. Regardless, I decided I'd shave my legs because I was starting to look like Chewbacca's long lost twin sister.

    Needless to say, it did not end well (and partially because I'm pretty blind without my glasses). The second I stepped out of the shower, my legs felt like they were on fire because of the awful razor burn. The bottom half of my left leg looked like it had been attacked by a rabid cat. :x

  2. I absolutely hate shaving. I'm a good few years in a relationship and am ready to give shaving up and go into full-on Lilith Fair hairy bitch mode, but I just can't bring myself to it. I do, however, feel like it's a good threat.

    "Don't be a dick or I'm going to dread that shit."

  3. I've done this a million times it feels like.

    Or at least I've taken a second shower after getting the call that someone was coming over, only to have them cancel on me. Now, half the time, I don't even bother. If they want the vadge, they'll deal with a bit of "stubble"???

    Sure I don't feel as sexy, but I also feel kind of cool because I know I can get it regardless...ah the joys of having a vagina.

    I do, however, shave my legs almost every day because I don't like the way the stubble feels against my other leg when I'm in bed.

  4. Cary - Ouch, been there done that. College showers are the absolute worst. Especially when they're super tiny and you have to awkwardly position yourself in the shower to shave with your legs up.

    Allie - That's the wonderful thing about being in a relationship. Having someone who loves you even when you are starting to resemble a Border Collie.

    The Viking Bear Beserker - Good thing you know me so well, I'm like a rabbit.

    KG - HAHA! I mean, we have to deal with their shit when it's so long on them it feels like we're flossing our teeth. I think they can handle if their is a bit of gravel down below.

  5. you're ABSOLUTELY hilarious!!! :D :D :D and i have the same luck with you, don't worry!! but it's like, every time i'm newly shaved, i get this huge surge of confidence and try to up my game... and still. no score, paco. D: (think that probably just means i don't got game. LOL!)

    although with a boyfriend i would assume it would be easier to get away with the ahem occasional overlook in maintenance. still, you rushing home just to shave is pretty major plus points. lucky dude!

  6. I find it TOUGH to believe you wouldn't get action whenever you desire Gabby :P

  7. and failed attempt at a foursome?!?! WOW

  8. m: You are pretty fabulous yourself, I just got done reading your blog, about to follow :) Also, I'm sure you have plenty of game. Unfortunately, you should never rush the shaving process, because I woke up with a nasty nick. They really need to come up with small bandaids for these types of scenarios.

    Etizel: You are a gem, thanks homes. The foursome was a fail and a flop haha. But the hilarity was how sure we were that it was going to happen, I need to stop getting my hopes up.

  9. how would ya go about a 4some?? 3 somes are quasi common but 4 i am blanking on lol