Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I Was One Janky Fifteen Year Old: Looking Back On Myspace Memories

I just logged into my old Myspace account. Somehow I miraculously remembered my password and username, and logged in to find a plethora of embarrassing memories.

The things I noticed:

1. Myspace Status Updates: My status is, Gabby McCone is..."bein' hated on cause she's a chub chub."
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! Also, my mood is fascinated. What the fuck am I fascinated with?

2. Myspace pictures: These are just awful. The beginning of my drinking career. All these photos involve my friends and I throwing up peace signs with pouty lips with bottles of Mikes Hard Lemonade in the basements of our parent's houses.



POUUTTYY LIPPSSS AND PEEACCEE SIGNSSS
ew. 


Not to mention, in the beginning when I first had Myspace, I posted some slutty pictures of myself in tiny shorts and a tank top, this mind you, was when I was fifteen. I didn't know about the creeps checking out my profile and seeing what they were seeing. I just liked the attention, and the complements. That's when my mom discovered that her pride and hairy joy is becoming a Cuban slooter.

3. Myspace Messages: These are a doozy. I cannot believe how many people would randomly message or try and add you through Myspace. No wonder my parents made me take my slutty pictures down when I was fifteen. Not only that, but how I was talking, I sound like a complete moron, and completely unintelligent. I can't spell anything, and I used words like "cuz, ya, ur, kewl." I CANNOT STAND WHEN PEOPLE TALK LIKE THIS. And miraculously, a lot of people still do. Has anyone seen that movie with Luke Wilson called "Idiocracy?" It's absolutely hilarious, and absolutely true if we do not get our shit together in the next twenty years. If you haven't seen it, I strongly recommend it. Although, it's kind of depressing in the truth of the movie.

But I can't believe how much fucking drama happened on Myspace. I am literally pouring through hundreds of messages from people back and forth being sneaky and catty. Talking about boyfriends and backstabbing friends and "what she said to my boyfriend when she was drunk," blah blah blah. Myspace politics were absolutely absurd.

HAHA also, I just came across this message with this guy in highschool (I was a senior and he was a freshman) and he was trying to come on to me and I was completely oblivious.

Here's how the conversation started.


Freshman: 
Date: Apr 30, 2008 5:23 PM
"wen i first saw u i had to change my name to charlie"



Gabby:
Date: Apr 30, 2008 9:27 PM
"i don't get it..?"



Freshman:
Date: Apr 30, 2008 5:29 PM
"ur supose to say y k lets start ova wen i first saw u baby i had to change my name to charlie"



Gabby:
Date: Apr 30, 2008 9:29 PM
"ookay, why?"



Freshman:
Date: Apr 30, 2008 5:31 PM
"cuz wen i first saw u i knew u were my angel"



LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL


4. Myspace Surveys: Do you remember these? When people made you fill them out and give awkward answers to situations that you didn't even know about at that age?
For example:

do you's
1. do you think im cute?
2. do you want to kiss me?
3. do you want to cuddle with me?
4. do you want to hook up with me?

are we's
1. are we aquaintences?
2. are we friends?
3. are we hook ups?
4. are we in a relationship?
5. are we gonna have kids? i

am i's
1. am i smart?
2. am i hott?
3. am i funny?
4. am i interesting?
5. am i datable?


have you ever?
1. have you ever thought about me?
2. have you ever thought there might be an "us"?
3. have you ever thought about hookin up with me?
4. have you ever found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
5. have you ever wished i were there?

are you's
1. are you attracted to me?
2. are you happy you know me?
3. are you mad at me?
4. are you thinkin bout me?
5. are you going to repost this so that i will return the favor? 


Aren't these fucking awkward? Especially when people who are really unattractive and someone you are not very good friends with fills it out regarding you. Then what the fuck are you supposed to do? Return the favor? Absolutely not.

I also got one of these in a random message in 2008:

MAKE OUT WEEKEND!!!!
whoever ruins this will be single and your boobs/penis will shrink for the next 4 years...national MAKE OUT WEEKEND this Friday-monday morning and if you repost this as a bulletin in the the next 7 minutes, you will be kissed by someone who really likes you and who you really like this weekend.



I would absolutely love if my breasts shrunk a size or two. 

Butttt some of the surveys I will admit, were fun, and a great way to pass the time when I didn't want to work on my Chemistry homework. So I'm going to post one that I filled out several years ago, and then write my answers to it now, several years later.

These are my responses, more than five years ago. 

From: GABIZZLE
Date: Apr 22, 2006 7:15 PM

A N S W E R - T R U T H F U L L Y
1. Do you like anyone?: uhm yes. duh. haha.
2. Do they know it?: you betcha.
3. Simple or complicated?: what? whats simple or complicated?

IN - T H E - L A S T - M O N T H - H A V E - Y O U
5. Bought something: yeah. today i bought a chicken burger haha
6. Gotten sick?: no actually not. well i had the sniffles for a bit lol.
7. Been hugged? of course
8. Felt stupid?: every fucking day i feel stupid.
9. Talked to an ex?: nope
10. Missed someone: yeah.
11. Failed a test: hahaha yeah i have.
13. Danced: yeah! i dance all the time. you will never catch me not dancing.
27. Snuck out?: yuuup
28. Sat and looked at the stars?: yes. best time ever.

M A N N E R S
29. Do you swear/curse? all the time.
30. Do you ever spit?: hahaha yeah. its disgusting.
31. You cook your own food?: on occasion. when im in the "chef" mood.
32. You do your own clothes?: sure.
34. You like pepsi or coke?: diet pepsi or diet coke
35. You're happy with your hair life?: yeah. i like the natural look of my hair actually. translation. the sex hair. haha.
37. You spend your money wisely?: yeah i do actually. im extremely cautious when it comes to spending money.
38. Do you like to swim?: hahaha. uhm.... sorta. well nicole would know the answer to that question hahaha.
39. When you get bored do you call a friend: yeah. all the time.

D O - Y O U - P R E F E R'S
41. Flowers or angels?: id have to say both.
42. Gray or black?: black
43. Color or black and white photos?: both. i cant decide i love them both alot.
44. Lust or love?: both again haha
45. Sunrise or sunset?: probably sunset. although sunrise is beautiful especially if your in like hawaii or mexico.
46. M&Ms or Skittles?: both. it depends on my mood. if im craving something fruity or chocolaty.
48. Staying up late or waking up early?: hellla staying up late.
49. Being hot or cold?: oo thats a hard one. id have to say hot though.
50. Winter or Fall?: winter.
51. Left or right?: right
52. Having 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends? 2 best buddies
53. Sunshine or rain?: both. it depends again i guess.
54. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?: i like both alot. i like them swirled together though probably.

H A V E - Y O U - E V E R
Made out for more than 5 minutes?: actually to tell you the truth i havent. it seemed like hours but it was like 2 minutes haha.
Slept in a bed of the opposite sex?: yuuup
Hooked up in the woods?: no. but i know someone who has.. hahahahaha.
Drank a bottle of alcohol by yourself?: ooo yes. gooood times my friend.
Been Dumped? negatory
Stolen money from a friend?: hell no
Slept naked?: yeah hahaha. summer.
Been in a fist fight?: no. i wanted to really punch this one girl though. HELLA bad. hahaha. but. no.
Snuck out of your house?: not MY house in renton. but my grandmas house alot and usually my homies houses.
Had a crush on a teacher?: gross. all of my teachers have been fat. old. ugly. balding. stupid.
Seen someone die?: no and i really hope i dont.
Been on an airplane?: yeah
Slept all day?: nope. the latest was like 12 haha
Missed someone so much it hurt?: oh yes all the time.
Fallen asleep during school?: for sure. math. history. spanish. language arts. worst teachers ever anyways haha.
Been lonely?: yeah
Cheated in a game? hahaha yeah
Been to the ER?: nope
Been in a car accident?: hahahaha yeah several. well recently yesterday lol.
Had detention?: middle school detention i suppose haha
Cried yourself to sleep?: yeah.. more than once sadly :(
Done something you told yourself you'd never do again?: yup
Sung in the shower?: yayuh
Hooked up with more than 2 people in 1 weekend?: nope lol
Kissed a complete stranger?: haha yeah
Laughed so hard you cried?: hahaha yes all the time. with all of the homies.
Not been able to remember your night?: yayuh
Cheated on a bf/gf?: nope
Regretted hurting someone: yeah
Regretted loving someone?: yeah. i have actually.
Been SUPER happy? YES!
Is your phone right beside you? afirmative.
Do you miss someone? yes. right now.
Do you wish you were somewhere else? yeah. back at keeleys.
Do you have plans for tonight? yessss. chillin with my boyy.
Are you wearing makeup? yuup.
Are you wearing chapstick? nope i need some though.
Are you cold? no im actually super hot right now.
Are you tired? exhausted
Are you excited? no im really unenthusiastic right now haha
Are you watching t.v.? nope im about to though cause i have no life whatsoever and its a beautiful day.
Are you wearing pajamas? nope
Who's the last person you textMsgd? zak
Who's the last person that called you? mi madre

PAST
Recently done anything you regret? yeah
Ever lied? all the time.
Ever spit at someone? haha yeah
Ever kick something living? yup.
Ever trip over your own feet? everytime i walk hahaha
Ever had your nails done? no i really want to though. next formal dance i got to for surre.
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard? i think i have actually.

TODAY
Have you cursed? of course
Have you yelled at someone? my mom
Have you gotten mad at someone? yeah cause i couldnt spend the night at keeleys. erghhh still mad.
Have you cried? no
Have you called more than 3 people? yeah
Have you msgd more than 3 people? yuup
Have you eaten anything gross? nope





And my responses now are:


From: Tron
Date: Jul 26, 2006 4:09 PM

A N S W E R - T R U T H F U L L Y
1. Do you like anyone? Myself. 
2. Do they know it?: I tell her every night. 
3. Simple or complicated?: Complicated. 

IN - T H E - L A S T - M O N T H - H A V E - Y O U
5. Bought something: Yes, new clothes! I was sick of the potato sacks i was wearing. 
6. Gotten sick?: No.
7. Been hugged? My mom hugs me. 
8. Felt stupid?: Same answer as five years ago. 
9. Talked to an ex?: Yes. 
10. Missed someone: Yes.
11. Failed a test: No. 
13. Danced: Same as five years ago. 
27. Snuck out?: I have no need to.
28. Sat and looked at the stars?: Yes. I am a romantic. 

M A N N E R S
29. Do you swear/curse? Every other word is fuck. 
30. Do you ever spit?: Too much chunky spit. 
31. You cook your own food?: Might as well call me "Gabby Childs."
32. You do your own clothes?: Yes. 
34. You like pepsi or coke?: I prefer Ginger Ale.  
35. You're happy with your hair life?: I haven't had any knots today.
37. You spend your money wisely?: I don't know why I said what I said five years ago. I absolutely do not spend my money wisely. I do not want to think about how much money I have spent on alcohol in the past five years. 
38. Do you like to swim?: I need flotation devices. 
39. When you get bored do you call a friend?: Or eat. 

D O - Y O U - P R E F E R'S
41. Flowers or angels?: 90% Angel, 10% Devil. 
42. Gray or black?: Red. 
43. Color or black and white photos?: Both. 
44. Lust or love?: Lust, always the clincher. 
45. Sunrise or sunset?: Pullman sunset, Sasquatch sunrise. 
46. M&Ms or Skittles?: M&Ms, Skittles always stick to my teeth, and I have weird smelling breath after eating a couple packs. 
48. Staying up late or waking up early?: I stay up way too late. 
49. Being hot or cold?: Lukewarm bathwater. 
50. Winter or Fall?: Winter. 
51. Left or right?: Right. 
52. Having 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends? I like having both. I have a lot of "acquaintances," which we all know means the people that you met while drinking and the people you can only hang out with while drinking. Therefore you contact them usually only when consuming beverages. 
53. Sunshine or rain?: Sun!
54. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?: I'm a white girl, definitely. 

H A V E - Y O U - E V E R
Made out for more than 5 minutes?: My response five years ago is embarrassing. But yes, indeed I have. 
Slept in a bed of the opposite sex?: Yes. 
Hooked up in the woods?: Yes. 
Drank a bottle of alcohol by yourself?: Absolutely not, that's absurd. 
Been Dumped? Ha, yes. 
Stolen money from a friend?: That is quite rude. 
Slept naked?: Yes. Also, woken up naked. Always a nice kick start to the day. 
Been in a fist fight?: Yes. I boxed a girl. I also was in the middle of a gentleman's dispute outside of the bar. Throwin' bows.
Snuck out of your house?: Too many times to count. 
Had a crush on a teacher?: Lusted.
Seen someone die?: No.
Been on an airplane?: Yes.
Slept all day?: Basically.
Missed someone so much it hurt?: Yes.
Fallen asleep during school?: And drooled/been snoring. 
Been lonely?: I feel like I should insert a song clip. 
Cheated in a game? Yes. 
Been to the ER?: Yes. 
Been in a car accident?: Yes.
Had detention?: Yes.
Cried yourself to sleep?: Yes. 
Done something you told yourself you'd never do again?: Never try and finish a half gallon. 
Sung in the shower?: Ha, yes. 
Hooked up with more than 2 people in 1 weekend?: WHOMP WHOMP CHOMP CHOO CHOO. yeah. 
Kissed a complete stranger?: College, baby. 
Laughed so hard you cried?: Errday. 
Not been able to remember your night?: Not been able to remember who my roommates are. 
Cheated on a bf/gf?: No.
Regretted hurting someone: Yes.
Regretted loving someone?: I do not think I have ever been in love. 
Been SUPER happy? I AM ALWAYS A RAY OF FUCKING SUNSHINE. 
Is your phone right beside you? Yes.
Do you miss someone? Right about now. 
Do you wish you were somewhere else? I am pretty content.  
Do you have plans for tonight? Mobbin' to get dinner with the fam. 
Are you wearing makeup? What's that?
Are you wearing chapstick? ^^
Are you cold? Lukewarm bathwater. 
Are you tired? Pooped. 
Are you excited? I am extremely melancholy. 
Are you watching t.v.? No.
Are you wearing pajamas? No.
Who's the last person you textMsgd? Jpro. 
Who's the last person that called you? Mommatron. 

PAST
Recently done anything you regret? Unbelievable amounts of regret. 
Ever lied? Yes. 
Ever spit at someone? Keep talkin' shit, wouldn't you know. 
Ever kick something living? Yes. 
Ever trip over your own feet? Drunk, sober, yes. 
Ever had your nails done? Just about the girliest thing I have ever done. 
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard? Drinking so hard. 

TODAY
Have you cursed? FUCK FUCK FUCKKKK
Have you yelled at someone? Mom. 
Have you gotten mad at someone? Mom, for pointing out my pimple. 
Have you cried? No. 
Have you called more than 3 people? People call me, ya feel meh?>
Have you msgd more than 3 people? Yes. 
Have you eaten anything gross? Nothing is gross. 

5. Myspace Friend's Top 8, 16, 32, Etc, Etc: When you first start Myspace, you organize your friends in order in what is called a "Top 8." You basically rank your friends from number one to number eight. This caused a lot of drama, especially when switching around your "Top 8." Getting in a fight with a friend, move them down a few spaces. Then they would message you all pissed off "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MOVE ME DOWN YOUR LIST!??!"

Then "Tom" (the creator of this atrocity of a website) started designing a new "Top 8" to increase the numbers so you could have ALL YOUR FUCKING BEST FRIENDS ON YOUR TOP 8.


Look at this fucker, Myspace "Scene Mirror Picture"

Now we had the ability to have "Top 16, Top 32, Top 4whatever." This is starting to get absolutely preposterous. In short, back in the day if you really wanted to start drama and piss off a friend, move them down the "Top 8" list, then take them off the list completely. This is a sure fire way to ignite any kind of uproar within a circle of friends, it makes for a very entertaining scenario.

In conclusion...


Myspace was the first social media website we really actually full on experienced when growing up (Unless you count "Xanga," what the fuck was the point of that website anyway?" Now we have Facebook and Twitter. TWEET TWEET TWEEEET. Tweet me, betch.



7 comments:

  1. I'm so tempted to do this survey thing. I'm pretty sure I have some on my myspace from a million years ago, if I can remember the login...hmmmm

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  2. In 10 years we'll be looking back at Facebook and being embarrassed as all fuck.

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  3. KG: Do it! It's entertaining to see what you posted when you were a naive fifteen year old to the oh so "mature" twenty somethings we are now ;)

    Lenabelle: You betcha, chicka. I've been on Facebook for almost four years and I'm already embarrassed as fuck.

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  4. Aww, the Myspace peace sign/pouty lip combo. I remember is fondly. Thinking back on it, "Tom" may have been a pedophile.

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  5. Allie: Thinking back on it, I'm pretty sure that you are right. Maybe that's our key to success nowadays, lol.

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  6. Is it bad that when I get drunk I still do the myspace pose? And I really try to make sure that I tilt the camera up so that I look like I have a giant head with pouty lips and no body.

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  7. James, it's absolutely fine. And I am an obese hypocrite for still doing the exact same thing.

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