Sunday, June 26, 2011

"Can You Teach Me The Importance Of Sobriety?"

Back again. And in typing to my non existent readers from a new location. I am home on the westside which is the bestside, aka Seattle, Washington. The home of Pearl Jam, Starbucks, and The Crab Pot. I had to move back to work, so I should be rollin in green paper here pretty soon. Get excited for new adventures that will be posted.

I would like to touch on a few things that I find interesting and you probably will not care about.

1. Windmills: I absolutely despise them. I do not know exactly what it is, but there is something fishy about them that just drives me bonkers and make me uncomfortable. Perhaps I don't like the repetitive motion of them, or maybe how they remind me of aliens. Maybe I am just scared of getting hit by one. I have to drive past them when coming to and fro from Pullmania and I usually have to look the other way. Do not question my fear of these, just accept it.

2. Cadberry Creme Eggs: They might as well call them kryptonite. If you have been blessed with the opportunity to eat one of these fifty cent delicacies, then you know exactly what I am preaching about. I dream about these delightful eggs. I used to munch on them, by myself, when I was a little nugget in preschool in the back of the classroom where nobody saw me. You bite into the top part and instantly your mouth is greeted by creamy sensation and you get to have the pleasant experience of swirling around the chocolate and the cream in your mouth. Take it from me, you can never have too many eggs.

3. The Human Centipede: Possibly the most fucked up movie I have ever been so blessed to watch. A twisted German doctor has a brilliant idea to make a human centipede. He captures three people, two American girl tourists (typical) and an Asian who cannot speak English. One of the girls tries to run away but fails miserably because she is an idiot, shocking. So the doctor decides to make her the middle piece which I didn't find too shabby until the end of the movie. He then proceeds to sew their mouths to the other persons ass and therefore, it will be a cycle. In short, it is very painful to watch. At the end of the movie, the front victim and the last victim die, so the stupid bitch in the middle is left. Whoever was the sick bastard that came up with the idea for this movie should be placed as the middle piece in the human centipede.

4. Victoria's Secret Fashion Show: This is just plain awful. A display on television of the world's most beautiful women strutting down a fatty runway with random artists serenading them in the background wearing barely nothing with gigantic wings strapped to their backs. Of course we are going to watch it, and then immediately regret ordering an extra large pizza to join you and your fat ass on the couch. Men love it for obvious reasons, we watch it so we have a reason to excuse ourselves to the bathroom. The only exception is Candice Swanepoel. Google Image.

5. Blogging: I find blogs kind of weird. Then I'm sure you're wondering why on earth I have one. Well for several reasons. My friends thought I should start one or write a book because I always have these ridiculous thoughts and phrases and they should go down in writing. I always like having a creative outlet, also anything that involves me sitting and not being active sounds pretty good to me. But back to blogging. It just seems kind of bizarre that I am sitting here and writing my thoughts on the internet for everyone to read. But oh well, enjoy. To all of my non existent readers.

6. Facebook Check-Ins: Are retarded. Who gives a fuck if you just checked in at Safeway?

On that note, I am done.

Random Sex Trivia: Just two mammals possess hymens, Humans and Horses.


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